S.A.G

I was born on January 17, 1997. 

I was given the name of Saige Audre Geertsen.

I am a middle child with two older sisters and two younger sisters... As much as I have always wanted a brother, I wouldn't change a thing. I love my sisters.

I grew up in Utah and lived in San Clemente, California for a solid 4.5 years. I miss California a lot, my 1st period class was surf and then I would go to school and then after I would go to work at Ripcurl, a surf shop, as one of the only girls that worked in the wetsuit room. Miss that a lot. But there are amazing things about Utah I absolutely love that you don't get in California, like the mountains, and yes I say "Mountain" like a Utahn. I moved back to Utah April of 2013. It was hard, and I was in denial, but it was possible, and I am really happy. Life should be lived, traveling.

I'm kind of like an excited puppy. If I'm super excited or you make me laugh too hard, I will wet myself, I have accepted that as my lifestyle and I think that you should accept me for that too... Cause I probably won't be able to change it. lolol. 

I've come to conclusion that blogging is a really good way to vent and get all my emotions out.

I've learned so many different things about myself and new ways to handle emotions cause of blogging.

I've learned that no matter how hard we try to be perfect, no one is perfect, nor ever will be, at least for right now. 

This is the end, but not really cause I will continue to blog...

Its been real, and good.

Thanks for all the support/comments through my venting moments and everything else, lol.

Saige Geertsen 

ALONE.

ALONE.

ALL. HUMANS. FEEL. ALONE. INDIVIDUALITY. HAS. POTENTIAL. FINDING. DIVERSITY. MAKES. IT. FUN. HAPPY. PEOPLE. SUPPORT. AND. HELP. CHANGE. LIVES. MAKING. AN. IMPACT. 

Numb Heart.

My once warm heart is now numb.

How did this evolve?

I let myself fall in love.

You're so cold and I hate the cold.

With every hug you gave-turned my heart to chills.

Those chills soon became chilling icicles, Before the cold water dripped created a cold little ice tear.

That ice soon grew over, and took over, my heart, causing it to go numb. 

And i can no longer tell what feelings I'm feeling.

What I would do for a heart so warm and surrounding. 

Oh what I would do...

All because I fell in love.

Standing Here.

Standing here.

The wind blowing at 60 miles per hour causing the trees to shake and the earth to quake, and I'm standing here.
The earth revolving around the sun and soldiers dying for our freedom, still I'm standing here.

People getting married, People getting divorced, People singing, People shouting, People crying, People running, People dying and I'm standing here.

The clock is ticking while I'm just standing here.

I think that Its time for me to take a step and move through nature.

Because there is so much freedom in nature,
It won't tell me what to do and what not to do.
It will allow me to do what ever I want.
So much understanding behind it.
So much compassion, and many answers beyond nature.

My next step from just standing here is to take advantage of this sweet living nature.

It once was what it now isn't.

You are what I thought you weren't.

I miss that part of you.
But you are you now.
And I can't do anything about that.

I don't like when I feel like I can't help anything.
I don't like that I literally feel numb, and physically get sick.

I wish it never happened but it needed to, and I'm happy it did.
But why was this the case.

It's never been this bad.

I'm so weak.
I'm so weak.

I miss the innocence.
I feel as if I reach far enough that I could bring it back.
But I guess part of growing up is missing things.

I wish I never left, maybe I could have helped prevent a load.
But what about me?
I learned so, SO much when I was gone, and am so strong now, when maybe if I stayed I wouldn't be able to do for you what I could now.
Possibly.
Probably not.
Maybe.
I don't know.

Sadly the old you is majorly missed.

I know more about you than you think I know.
And I wish you would know your damn worth.

I want to erase everything that happened and start new.

"flooding with emotion, love is holding me tight."

Take me back to the young years now, please. Theres a lot I want to change.

You appeared as fast as breathe fogs up the glass window,
but left as quick as it faded.

You left me broken.

Wake Up

Good morning Beautiful Sky and Sun.

To the fresh air that brings myself to a state of renewal.

To the shooting star I wished on the night before that keeps me holding on to each new day.

To the wind that blows and causes the crisp fall leaves to slowly flow and abound in a small ditch on the grass.

To the neighbor that smiled giving me confidence in that today, is going to be, a good day.

To the mountains being a physical and visual reminder that I can climb up steep hills and make it to the top, creating a better view for me to choose on which way I want to head down and live my life. Or maybe I'm close enough to clasp onto a cloud and let it carry me to an unreal world full of my sweetest fantasies that refreshes my mind and holds me up showing me how much better life can become if I just let go of the world and keep reaching out to and holding onto that cloud.

To the cloud that I believe collects my prayers that I pray every night.

To the wood burning smell that brings winter just that much closer.

To the snow that glitters in the most perfect, most flawless shape.

To the water that fills me and begins to hydrate. 

Gone.

Its all gone, I now abound in the life of death.
a contradicting concept.
I no longer can smell that smell, or hear that sound, or see that sight, or touch that object, or sing that song.

Its all gone.

I'm living today, because I am going to die tomorrow. 

-Did my belly flip? 
-Am I doing anything I might just regret?
-Have I been alive while life is in my presence?
-Or am I okay with death, because I am just so used to living a dead life? 

~Wake up~

I Fear.

My Rationally Irrational Fears:

Haunted Houses.
Scary Movies.
Zombie Apocalypse.
Burning in a fire.
Freezing to death in snow.
Drowning.
Stepping on a nail.
Getting hit in the head and forgetting everything.
Getting cut in the eyeball with glass.
Being alone outside in the dark.
Holding my breathe under a boat.

Speaking my peace that no one will ever understand.

Trying to help the unhelpable.

Caring too much.

Forgetting about myself.

People acting a certain way around me cause they think I care that they're not really perfect.

People thinking I am who I am not.